Guidance from your elders is invaluable. Today we’re offering some old school lessons to the new school, so listen up, we might just save you a ton of humiliation, money or physical pain.
Get close to naked to feel the music for your journey to the dance floor. Wear as little clothes as possible. Hardly anyone there will be fully clothed and you’ll just end up looking out-of-place. Once you go through the gates, the word underwear will cease to exist. You can wear your underwear as outerwear. That lace bralet can double as both a blouse and a bra. You can throw your sweater in the recycling bin on-site. And, loose the shirt. You won’t need it for another 10 hours or so. Plus, it’s one of the few places where you get to show off your jacked-up pecks.
No matter what the weather is doing, keep dancing. About to pass out from the heat? Keep dancing. Rain messing up your perfectly coiffed hairdo? Make-up running down your cheeks? Keep dancing. Bust out those Hunter rain boots you got as a gift a few years ago when they were all the rage. Bust out that yellow Mickey Mouse raincoat from your trip to Disneyland or Niagara Falls 10 years ago. Slap on that baseball cap you picked up at the Muse show or from your brother’s closet. While you’re at it, bust out your old moves too. Everyone will be wondering who you are and where you’re from. (Note: if your boots fit just right, bring an extra pair of comfy shoes. You’re welcome.)
Any place nearby is a dance floor, be it a parking lot, a sidewalk, a patch of grass within hearing distance or a padded bench in the VIP area. When you gotta dance you gotta dance. If your dancing is really abysmal, just stand next to the egomaniac who thinks he’s on stage performing his very own choreography. He believes he’s the best thing on the floor and everyone will be looking at him. Before you know it the place will be so crowded and dark that no will be able to see you let alone your freaky moves.
Even if you can’t dance you should still let loose. This is critical if you work in high-stress jobs. People in insurance, finance, media, and people who used to dance on Electric Circus already know this. When you’re not at work – you are the party.
These old school lessons were brought to you by Nina Kraviz, Jackmaster, Mano Le Tough, Deetron, Dam-Funk and all the other DJs and producers who mixed old tracks and new grooves for the crowd at the Portlands for the Electric Island Civic Holiday on Aug. 7.
Photos: Carmen Lopes
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